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Engagement Stressor NO.3

Perfection,
The Temptress

 
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Perfection is manipulative, convincing us that our wedding is a direct reflection of who we are as people. 

The picture-perfect wedding details we see on Instagram have created an overexposed, highly-saturated ideal of what our own weddings are supposed to look like (except ours have to be even better.)

Of course, making everything seem perfect comes at a price: some exorbitant sum of money, hours worth of precious time, or both. Immediately after the proposal, we spend forever crafting an engagement post that feels like 'us,' and that's only the beginning to months of mounting pressures.

This need to keep up great appearances has us sacrificing meaningful moments for making meaningful impressions. But what if we could define for ourselves what's important about our wedding?

 

Stories from Fiancés

 
 
 
I felt a lot of pressure that this wedding had to be a creative expression of me, my fiancé, of us as a couple. What did it say about us? What WAS us? It’s not just a meaningful ceremony and fun party anymore.
— Identity Crisis
My wedding is next year and I am certain I won’t enjoy it. I will be so nervous and anxious about all of the details the whole time.
— Nervous Wreck
I want everything to be so freaking perfect. Especially the weather, the venue, the food, the beverages, the flowers, the invitations, the welcome gifts, the hotel block, my wardrobe, my hair, my makeup, my family’s wardrobe, hair, and makeup. Literally every detail must be perfect.
— Big Dreams
Explaining the process to family and friends, I wanted to make everything seem easy— even if it wasn’t.
— Grinning and Bearing it
 
 

Tools to Help

Below are a few worksheets, designed to help you establish ground rules around caring for one another during this process, create a rubric that defines success on your terms, and arm yourself with loving words when you'll need them.

 
 
 


For Establishing The Rules of Engagement

Most days, you and your partner keep an unspoken code of conduct between one other. The days you spend planning your wedding are not most days: stress is at an all time high, end-goals and expectations cannot be assumed, and family is involved. All bets are off.

Use this worksheet at the onset of the process to settle with your partner what you can expect out of the process and what you want out of your wedding.

 
 
 

For Defining Your Own Success

How do you measure your ‘perfect’ wedding anyway? "Everything going right" is too subjective (not to mention impossible!) to attain, and yet, there's no other standard measure for people to know whether their day was a success. Success looks different to every couple, but it's often hard to communicate what that means to your family, your friends, or your partner.

Use this worksheet to redefine and share what your perfect wedding day looks like.

 
 
 

For Surviving The Inevitable Breakdown

Once the date is set, couples typically hit the ground running planning and don't look back. But when things get hairy (and they will), the only person in the world who can help you remember the real point of the wedding is probably just as stressed out as you are.

Use this worksheet before things get stressful to remind you both why you’re doing all of this in the first place.