Let's Save the Date
 

Engagement Stressor NO.2

Compromise,
The Glutton

 
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Different people’s visions compete for the spotlight on our Big Day, forcing our dreams to make room for them.

Everyone knows it takes a village to put on a wedding. People will tell you that celebrating with the ones closest to you in the world is what makes the day so special, and they're right.

What they don't tell you is that involving other people in the process can also mean sharing the wedding with them. These important people have skin in the game, and have their own ideas about what your wedding should be.

Justified as they may be, it's that convergence of different aspirations that leaves couples worrying, making compromises, and diluting the celebration of "us" into a celebration about "all of us." But what if we didn't have to shout over each other to include important people in the conversation?

 

Stories from Fiancés

 
 
 
I think I spent too much time worrying how others would feel about every aspect of our wedding, when I really should have made it more about us. For example, I didn’t want a religious ceremony, but did one anyway because I worried guests would be offended.
— Regretful from the Bible Belt
I worried about the actual ceremony... my mom was worried her friends would be horrified that we didn’t use double envelopes.
— Fighting Back At Home
Balancing my mother’s desires and my own was a big task. She questioned every opinion I had, from the amount of alcohol we should have to the centerpieces I liked best.
— Sick of Saying "Mother May I?"
I am not getting married in a church and I am not getting married in my home town. My mom is pissed but she can’t say much since she’s not paying for any of it.
— Standing My Ground
 
 

Tools to Help

Below are a few worksheets designed to help you clarify who will be making decisions with you, manage the feelings of the people who don’t, and ensure you’re taking the proper time to care for yourselves as a couple.

 
 
 

For Deciding Who Gets a Say

There are countless decisions that need to be made whether your wedding is big or small, lavish or affordable, and you are almost assuredly not going to be responsible for all of them. For example, the people paying for the wedding may get final say on the guest list, but accepting this can be hard when it's supposed to be your day.

Use this worksheet to designate who is involved in or in charge of key decisions so you and they know from the get-go.

 
 
 

For Quieting The Peanut Gallery

As soon as the planning stages begin, people crop up ready to tell you what they think, what to do, what they wish they would have done at their wedding. Which is nice in theory, but can be intrusive and overwhelming.

Use this worksheet to firmly, but politely, communicate what you want.

 
 
 

For Keeping 'You' in 'Your Wedding'

Spending months and months coordinating with people can mean we forget to make time just for us two. 

Use this worksheet to make sure your wedding timeline includes you, the couple.